this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
