Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
