I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
