she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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