areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
