cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
