So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
