I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
