i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
