I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
