If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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