do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
