therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
