But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
