Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My first STD was from a foam party
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
