Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
