Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
