I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
