I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My liver just had a heart attack.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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