can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
