Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
