so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
