im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
