Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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