i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
