Dual....:-)
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
