i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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