Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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