____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
