Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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