I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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