This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
