the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
