Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
