I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
