our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
