I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
