And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
