I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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