It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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