Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
