Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You're like the curious george of whores
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
