the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
