I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
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