i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
