How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
