My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
