I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
