Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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