the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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