question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Sorry about my life...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
