At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
