May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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