he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
