dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
